“No thanks, I’d prefer to work with someone more ‘humanistic.'”
Ever opened your emails, and found a (somewhat funny) yet rude email from a stranger or potential customer?
Well, that’s what happened to me a few months ago. And I thought I’d share it with you…
(Not just for the laugh factor, but also the important lesson it taught me.)
So here’s the backstory:
It was an early morning, and I was knees, elbows, and head deep in the middle of launching one of my writing masterclasses. It was a hectic time, and my anxiety was pretty high.
As I was getting everything prepped for the class, I received a message from a woman who was looking for someone to help her write a memoir. “Of course,” I replied. “I’d be happy to help. Here’s a link to my application form.”
(Now, if you’ve ever wondered why I have application forms, you’ll soon find out.)
Well, a quick look at this person’s application form brought up a few little red flags for me; one of which, was that they weren’t serious about getting started on their book.
Now, here’s the thing. I am just one person. I am still a part-time stay at home parent, running my own business.
And because of that, I choose to value my time as well as that of my current clients, by only prioritising calls with people who are serious.
I also had a strong gut feeling that this person wasn’t someone I wanted to work with. Call it magic or just intuition, but this gut instinct has never failed me. Often, I know as soon as I read an application.
So, since this person wanted to get to know me/my work better first, I emailed back and offered her a free ticket to my masterclass so she could get a front-row look at what I do, with the offer of jumping on a call the following week.
“No thanks, I’d prefer to work with someone more humanistic.”
I won’t lie…it stung for a second.
Instantly, my mind went into self doubt.
‘Was it rude of me not to squeeze her in for a call this week – even though she’s not serious about writing a book? Did I do the wrong thing?’ I wondered.
The reality was, my gut instinct was right. But this person’s nasty email was playing into a deeper part of me; a part that worries constantly about upsetting others.
Even when it comes at the expense of my own time, energy, or mental wellbeing.
As a sensitive person, I’ve always found it difficult to ‘just stop caring’ about what people think of me.
For most of my life, I was that person who would feel deeply distressed if I upset someone.
You know those memes of people lying in bed, thinking about something they said 6 months/2 years/a decade ago? Yeah, that was me haha).
But over the last year or so, I’ve come to understand and remind myself of this one thing:
“You cannot please everyone…and that’s okay.”
Here’s the thing:
- Not everyone is going to like me. (I mean, come on. I have blue hair 😂That’s already a turn off for a certain amount of people haha.)
- And it doesn’t matter how effective and high-touch my coaching programs are, or how powerfully I present on mental wellbeing…there will always be someone who isn’t a fan.
I also realised that, if this is how this person reacts when not being squeezed in instantly for a call…they are sure as s**t NOT going to be someone I want to work with.
So even though I felt like sending a snarky email reply back on that day several months ago, I didn’t.
Instead, I paused, smiled, and let myself laugh.
Then I emailed back, sending a free resource to help get this person started on their book ‘when they were ready.’
As we come to the end of 2020, I have come to an understanding of just who I am.
- I’m a highly sensitive person, and yet I’m also a strong woman who has spent the last decade speaking out about issues like human trafficking, domestic violence, suicide, and child abuse.
- I’m professional and care a lot about how people perceive me…and at the same time, I unapologetically rock up to business meetups in pink power suits, with bright blue hair.
- I’m someone who hates to offend others, yet I also will not be silent on issues of truth – particularly when it comes at the expense of another person’s human rights or safety.
- I can be super serious, but if you know the real me, you’ll know I’m pretty casual and love to make fun of things/myself.
I’m Jas Rawlinson…and you can take me or leave me 🙂 But I’m happy with who I am, and I’m no longer (as) afraid as I used to be about people not liking me.
And…now it’s your turn! Do you struggle with what people think of you? Are you a people pleaser, or do you not care too much about people’s opinions? I’d really love to hear your own experiences.
PS. Looking to write your own memoir or personal development book? Connect below.
The difficulty in needing to be liked is the motivation behind. I trust more those who are plain speaking, up front, then we can decide whether we like them or not. In this way, one knows their true friends.