Remember when Alyssa Milano went on the Wendy Williams show, and schooled the world (and a confused Wendy) – about how breastfeeding needs to stop being sexualised?
It was a poignant moment, filled with the collective screams of mums all around the world, shouting “YESSS! Preach Alyssa!”
And then remember a few days ago, when Fergie and her hyper sexualised posse of model mums released a video that took us back 10 steps? Yeah, that’s basically what Fergie’s video “M.I.L.F $” achieves.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think there’s any one way that a mother should look, and personally, I’d like to think that when I have a child I’ll still allow myself the right to feel sexy, and to make time for that (although from what I hear, finding time for yourself with a small human attached to you 24/14 – yes I said 14, because I imagine that the weeks feel twice as long with a baby – is a tiny bit difficult).
But, really. What does MILF money achieve for a female audience? I mean, other than to make some of us feel bad about the fact that we can’t afford to buy milk just to pour it all over our boobs. It’s nothing new, it’s nothing groundbreaking; it’s simply a male fantasy video.
“But guys! It’s not what you’re thinking,” says Fergie. “It stands for ‘mothers I’d love to follow!'”
Well I’m sorry Fergie Ferg – if that’s the case then I’m not sure you’ve won me over. I mean, how am I supposed to take life advice from a 41 year old who still hasn’t learned that milk is for baby cows, and cereal and delicious smoothies; not for cooling yourself down when you’re feeling hot and bothered.
Poor Fergie and Kim K – they are so very confused. Someone get those ladies a pedestal fan, stat! You can pick them up super cheap these days too!
Most would expect me to write solely about the trashiness of the clip – its hypersexualisation of breastfeeding and women in general. And don’t get me wrong, it’s got that in spades. But aside from that, there’s one other thing that’s got me quite perplexed.
Watching as Fergie and her “MILF” squad bathe (literally) in milk, all I can think of is: Dayum. This is the first time I’ve seen someone go through milk faster than my own husband! #worldrecord
And as much as I detest the video for its overused sexualisation of women, I can’t help but wonder, what sort of milk did she use? Was it A1 or A2? Soy? Was it GF/ vegan friendly? Because if not, oh boy is she in for a whole new level of outrage! Hell hath no fury like the vegan community.
Honestly though, the whole video is about as cliche as it gets. Empowered? Sure, if you think that there’s anything remotely normal or sexy about adult women pouring milk all over themselves and acting out teenage boy fantasies. Sure, if you think a video full of models and toned bodies is an accurate representation of most new mothers.
I’m sure most of us already think Fergie and her gang are sexy. I’m sure their friends and partners tell them all the time as well. But was M.I.L.F $ really a necessary addition to our musical history?
We can only hope that her next release is somewhat better. And that by her next birthday, she and her gang learn that milk is always more enjoyable when consumed in a delicious smoothie.
JAS RAWLINSON is a Brisbane-based Freelance Journalist, and author of the groundbreaking new suicide-prevention memoir book: ‘Reasons To Live One More Day, Every Day: Stories of triumph from Australians who refused to give into darkness.’ Grab your copy here!
Thoughts From Jas 
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