Recently I read a written piece from Collective Shout called “In their own words;” a blog which contains real-life quotes from men who purchase women for sex. The quotes were horrifying, and showed just how little buyers care for prostituted and suspected trafficked women, and women in general; referring to many of them simply as “holes to fuck.”
Looking through some of the sources, I came across a particular adult forum on which I saw an 18 year old man looking for advice on how to get into ‘punting’ (a disgusting term referring to the purchase/exploitation of women as a ‘hobby’). Claiming that his GF was okay with it, as she supposedly ”couldn’t keep up” with his sexual appetite, he turned to an adult forum for tips. Expecting the worst (from the disturbing discussions I’d seen) I was deeply surprised when nearly every man who responded, told him to stay away from punting.
As much as I hate what these men are doing to women in our country, I have to admit that I also feel sorry for them in some ways. Sorry, because somewhere along the way they lost sight of the beauty of an emotional and sexual connection with their partner, or women in general. I feel for these men when I see them express resignation to the fact that they are an addict and can’t seem to give up on purchasing women; remaining locked in a financially and psychologically damaging cycle.
In response to the 18 year old man, ‘punters’ (as they are known) began to share the dangers of their ‘hobby’. One man talked about getting into punting at the age of 35, and realising that now, at the age of 60 years, he hasn’t been able to quit. Meanwhile, another talked about how it is harder to quit that smoking. Surprisingly, the majority echoed the sentiment that it would be better for this 18 year old to find a girlfriend he connected with.
It’s been pointed out to me before that I’m pretty ruthless when it comes to my disgust for men who exploit women, and that’s no surprise to me. In my view, ANY human should feel disgust and anger toward men or women who routinely, frequently, and systematically take advantage of vulnerable individuals.
BUT, that said, there are times when I read through the forum and really get a sense that these men are flawed and broken human’s, looking for something that they can’t seem to find elsewhere.
When I think of that 18 year old man I feel sad; not just for him but also his girlfriend. I wonder whether her sexual libido really is unrealistically lower than his (in which case, if they can’t make it work, maybe they should look for more compatible partners), however I also wonder whether this guy has an unhealthy pornography addiction feeding his ”appetite.”
It is well known by both sexual addicts and their partners, that excessive pornography use can lead people, mostly men, to experience disinterest in their partner, a desensitisation to sexual activities that formerly caused arousal, and an increased appetite for sex that consequently ”can’t be met” by their partner.
It’s clear to me that men need networks where they can discuss these issues and receive support for their addictions. They need mates that can help them to stay accountable for their actions. They need professional help to work through their addiction and repair relationships with those close to them. Without these networks, men will keep struggling and failing in their addictions.
The following wiki link is an encouraging, insightful, and also simple list of guidelines for overcoming sexual addiction. From recognising that you have an addiction, to making the decision to quit, and maintaining your sobriety, this page is a good resource to have.
To all of the men currently struggling – I don’t know what it’s like to struggle with the addictions you have, but you need to take the first step of admitting your addiction, and recognising how you are harming the women you exploit, your partners, and yourself. You CAN have a different life; you CAN break that addiction. It won’t be easy, but do you really want to continue the path you are on? The life where you are experiencing financial and personal difficulties, because you can’t give up on your addiction? Don’t you wish you had a better emotional and sexual connection with your wife/girlfriend, instead of having to hide this second life?
For advice on how to tackle sex and / or pornography addiction, you can visit :
Feed The Right Wolf – A site with lots of resources for those suffering sex addiction; including recovery coaching, a free 30 day trial of ”Covenant Eyes” (filtering software), and allows you to take sex addiction self-analysis tests. It also includes a forum where you can discuss your struggles or victories. There’s some really encouraging stories on there from men who have recovered (and young teenagers).
Sex Addiction Australia – “A Sydney and Internet based national service and a professional sex therapist and specialist sex addiction therapy private practise. We provide confidential clinical sex addiction counselling and sex therapy for sexual addictions and sexual compulsive behaviours, for sexual dysfunctions, sexual health and safer sex, and we update you with sex addiction research & information.”
SA Aus also provides support to partners of men/women suffering from sex addiction. E: firstname.lastname@example.org or call 02 9380 4486
Sex Addicts Anonymous – includes information on meetings you can attend in various countries – including Australia (VIC/NSW/QLD)
Sexual Control – Helping individuals with sex addictions since 1983, this site also allows you to download the book ”The most personal addiction” for free.
Fight The New Drug – Simple & clear information on how porn affects the brain, damages relationships, and how you can break free of addiction.
Note: Due to the nature of sexual addiction and temptation, all sources quoted in this blog have been censored in order to not reveal the websites/user ID’s. I possess all links but will never post them publicly.