“My heart is a gypsy – continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wondering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Lonliness is what it feels like…” – Jenna Jameson.
Regarded as a ‘household name’ in the adult film industry and a successful business woman, she is considered the ‘Queen of Porn’.
With over 100 films made between 1993 to 2008, 22 awards, and a business grossing 30million dollars a year, it would seem she has achieved the ultimate in fame and power.
But if we strip away the wealth, fame and glitz, who is the real woman behind the carefully choreographed sexual persona seen on film?
Until last weekend I had no idea who Jameson was – that is, before I made the mistake of watching a little of Zombie Strippers (worst 10 minutes of my life – ergh). However, as a graduate of a psychology major, I’m always intrigued by how events in our lives lead to particular decisions, and as a result, I’ve found myself drawn in by the train wreck that is her story.
Somewhat naievely, I typed Jameson’s name into my browser in an attempt to find out what it is that makes her so famous. As you can expect, I came across all sorts of ‘visual’ examples of her ‘success’, but far fewer of who the real Jameson was.
Wife. Mother. Survivor of sexual abuse.
Reading through her 2004 autobiography ‘How to Make Love like a Porn Star: A cautionary Tale (2004), I found myself shaking my head with horror as I read through her life story; a story filled with unfortunate tragedies, abuse and poor decisions.
Before Jenna Jameson became the ‘queen of porn’ that she is today, she was Jenna Marie Massoli, the daughter of a Nevada police officer and Las Vegas Showgirl who grew up loving ballet and dreaming of one day following in her mother’s footsteps as a dancer.
Sadly however, she was rejected from dancing as a showgirl due to height restrictions, and instead entered the world of glamour modelling and stripping.
At the age of just two, Jenna faced the first of many challenges to come when she lost her mother to cancer. With her father struggling to pay the medical bills from his wife’s illness, the family were forced to spend her early years living in a trailer.
Even worse to come however, were the events that followed in her teenage years. Multiple instances of sexual abuse beginning from when she was 15—which included being beaten and gang raped by four boys at the age of 16, and again the same year by her own boyfriend’s uncle—were quite clearly the beginnings of the downward spiral that was to come.
“I learned at a very young age I needed to fend for myself. I was always looking to preserve my life and what little happiness I had.” (Jameson, J., 2010).
As I sit here shaking my head in shock, so many questions burn in my mind. In particular, I wonder just how many of her ‘fans’ would stop long enough to think – or even care – about any of this. Is her sexual identity the only thing we care about?
I can’t help but feel for this woman. I can’t help but feel that if only she hadn’t been the victim of such wicked abuse and betrayal perhaps she would have been a completely different person.
Rape is a horrible tool used to destroy a person from the inside out. Abuse is far from just physical, it changes your psyche, your thoughts, your soul, your dreams; everything.
It is no surprise that the porn industry is a house full of broken women who were victims of sexual abuse. Shelley Lubben, a former ‘porn star’ who now runs the Pink cross foundation to help sex workers, has met hundreds of women in the adult industry who were abused as children.
“They get into drugs to numb themselves…they get their [bodies] ripped…and they turn themselves off emotionally and die” (Lubben, S., 2009).
It’s absolutely heartbreaking to comprehend.
The thing is, no one will ever know who Jenna Massoli may have been had she not had to endure such soul destroying experiences.
Jameson survived the horror of her youth in the sense that she found strength to keep moving, however, the demons from her past have clearly continued to haunt her well into adult life. I believe that her decision to enter the porn industry is in itself a continuation of the soul destruction inflicted from sexual abuse.
Victims of sexual abuse often feel such immense guilt that they subconsciously choose partners and lifestyles that continue the abuse. Despite the fact that they were not to blame, many still feel they ‘deserve’ to be punished.
It is not surprising then, that these women choose a career that is centred around abuse.
Pornography celebrates everything that is not natural beauty, respect, true love, or reality. In her autobiography, Jameson explains the issues surrounding the negative self-imagery that the adult industry projects onto women and men; in particular, the celebration of plastic surgery.
“One of the most frustrating things about the film work was that the producers never wanted to put me on box covers. They all said my breasts were too small. My boobs were certainly big enough for all the men who stared at them every time I left the house. But they weren’t big enough by porn standards”. (Jameson, J. 2004, p160)
These women are presented to us as not as beautiful, intelligent, interesting beings designed to make a difference in this world, but rather, as an easy fix for our sexual appetites; a visual feast for our insatiable addictions. Disgustingly, sex workers are at often seen as nothing more than a solution to male (and female) ‘boredom.’
Jameson is the first to admit that in this industry, you are nothing more than a product.
“These guys didn’t care about seeing a show. They just wanted to see some skin. So much for my delusion of actually being respected in the world at large.” (Jameson, J. 2004, p467).
There is no denying that when someone watches porn, they do so with the intention of sexual gratification. No one is thinking about all of the terrible things a woman such as Jameson has experienced, or the physical pain endured to create each scene—just so someone can jerk off to it.
Because let’s face it, that would be a complete downer when you’re trying to get off, wouldn’t it?
But if we did stop to think of this woman as a person with real feelings and pain—as an individual rather than a sexual object for our own desires—perhaps porn wouldn’t be so worshipped.
Even Jameson herself, despite at times claiming that you can empowered in porn, has some very cold truths to share about the industry. Her autobiography is shockingly graphic, and at times hard to read, but above all it reveals the dark, lonely, abusive and psychologically damaging world behind the glitzy images.
Jameson reveals many disturbingly graphic instances where celebrities, industry people and everyday men and women abused her, or assumed that because of her career she must love nothing more than to be treated as a sex toy.
“Whenever we were together, he treated me like a princess. But in bed, the sex had to be dirty and he’d treat me like a slut, shouting obscenities and constantly trying to stick his finger up my asshole while fucking me, which is an acquired taste that I just never acquired…
“It seemed like in order to get pleasure during sex, he had to humiliate the woman; but it was impossible for him to humiliate the woman he loved.”- Jameson speaking about a former boyfriend (2004, p424)
Stop for a moment and think about this: if pornography isn’t destructive, then why does it require women to change their bodies, turn to drugs to numb the pain of what they are experiencing, and accept physical and verbal aggression as the norm.
Forced to hold pose after pose for hours on end until their knees buckled, their backs bowed and they limped off set… these are just some of the brutal moments experienced by women in the industry.
Does this sound at all like something any woman would want; let alone gloat about?
Men—Is this the way you would want your sisters or daughters to be treated?
Jameson has achieved success, fame and ‘power’ in the adult industry, but at what cost has this come to her soul?
Along with Herpes, Aids and cervical cancer, miscarriage is another very common issue amongst women in the industry, one which both Lubben and Jameson have had to experience the heartbreaking consequences of. It is any wonder women’s health suffers so much? Our bodies just weren’t designed to be treated they way they are in porn films.
It is so easy for women especially, to hate adult stars such as Jameson. With her peroxide blonde hair, fake breasts and pouty lips, many of us simply see another whore. Just like men, we see what the industry portrays to us.
So in my quest to find out who the real ‘Jenna Jameson’ was I delved deeper, taking the time to read her thoughts and to put aside my prejudices.
I found a few snippets on her website ‘House of Jameson’ that I feel actually revealed a little of the real Jameson. On this site there is no explicit adult content, rather it is a place where she can respond to fans questions; small things such as her skincare routines, to more personal questions about her strength through tough times.
I feel it is one of the few online spaces where she can be free.
Yes, Jameson has made some poor decisions. And as a woman I just can’t condone her belief that she has helped to pave the way for a cleaner industry, because every account I’ve read (including her own) has told of an abusive, cruel and dangerous world not made for humans.
That said, I am horrified at what she has endured. I am angry about what this industry is doing to our young men and women today.
I just wish that Jameson had never had to see the inside of this world herself.
To read more about the dangers of the adult industry, I recommend reading Shelley Lubben’s article, ‘Jenna Jameson’s 25 Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want To Become a Porn Star (2009, Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn).
QUICK FACTS ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY
- There are 4.2 million pornographic websites, 420 million pornographic web pages, and 68 million daily search engine requests.
- 36 porn stars died that we know of from HIV, suicide, homicide and drugs between 2007 and 2010.
- 66% of porn performers have Herpes, a non-curable disease.
- 2,396 cases of Chlamydia and 1,389 cases of Gonorrhea reported among performers since 2004.
- Over 100 straight and gay performers died from AIDS.
- 26 cases of HIV reported by Adult Industry Medical Healthcare Foundation (AIM), since 2004
- The largest group viewing online pornography is ages 12 to 17.
- More than 11 million teens regularly view porn online.
Graham, B. (2007). Just As I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham. Harper One.
Jameson, J. (2004). How to Make Love like a Porn Star : A Cautionary Tale. NY: Harper Collins
Reblogged this on Glass Houses, A family that throws Stones and commented:
Sadly I see what Jenna experienced and the effects. Sadly I thought to myself that was nothing even compared to what my life has been. I realize I am stronger then many. I am actually proud I made it thus far. I am sorry for anyone that experiences sexual abuse. I am lucky I am still alive to heal. Thank You God, Jenna ive added to my prayer list.
This article touches my soul, though 2012 you posted, in search of organizations to help life of Sexual Industry and giving women the chance to live free from Abuse, sexual assault, low self worth. Your post caught my eye in search engine. I am beginning stages of starting a non profit AM LIGHT for women who has lived since childhood in sexual abuse, I was at age 4 to 14 sexually abused. I ranaway to experience more, I became stripper age 19 then when too old I became an escort, I am now 55 and just exciting and I know nothing else. I have a life I made the best of, I learned at early age to make the best of every experience. Recently I started crying and felt lost. With the sexual abuse from childhood , to the rapes as teenager living on streets Los Angelus, abusive relationships and a Malignant narcissist mother destroying what my step father did not. My soul. I want to experience just a few years what “normal” feels like. I want to find out who I am, maybe even learn to love that person. I want to walk with my head held high. I want to find out what else I have in me besides my body nude for the world to do as it please. I want to be referred to as a human being not a Whore. I most important want to have peace love and true happiness. FirstI need to find out who I am. I lost an entire life being a person I was taught was all my worth. I do not know what it feels like to be a normal person. To be me , me was stolen age 4, I died that day. I want to feel alive, to be loved, respected. I want others to feel this we only thought was faded dream. No one knows until you can be me, walk a moment in my worn shoes. Many can imagine, but not many could not last a day, the pain so much you wish everyday God takes you in his arms. Never return to this world again. I believe still in rainbows, love and I want to live and help others like me live to have the experience of what its like to feel normal. Sorry long post, I could write a book but no one could imagine nor even believe how I survived this life. Its just now reflecting how hurtful, sadist been but my strength carried me threw hell with the belief of the light at end of the tunnel. Am Light is the end of women of Night, lifetime darkness. My story will help others not have to live the life I have nor settle for lies. I tell myself daily I am a beautiful person inside and out. I am worthy to live, love and be part of this world. I feel as if I am lying to myself, soon I will believe this. Soon I can live life as God planned from the start.
Excellent post! I am linking to it in a post from my own blog, which will publish on Monday morning, PST.
great job and have an awesome day!
Thankyou so much! Hope you enjoy my other articles to come 🙂 Have a great week ahead!
Great article Jas!
This made me sad. However one must take responsibility for their own actions, despite whatever traumatic experience or background they’ve had.
I agree to an extent, but I believe when you have been raped or abused as a child, you suffer the greatest loss of freedom, and unless you’ve had extensive counselling I can’t imagine it being easy to make good choices. not to say all women would make bad decisions, but I completely understand the overwhelming desires for attention and affection that come from being neglected or abused.